• My Complex Crazy

A Silver Lining?

Can severe illness bring about opportunity?

Oh wow, this quote rings so true for me and I want to quickly explain why to see if it can help you to!h wow this quote rings so true for me and I want to quickly explain why to see if it can help you too!

Over the past two years I have been in a pit of hell, despair and turmoil with being haunted by the numerous traumas and abuse I have experienced. I was so ill for around eighteen months that I couldn't work, think properly or even concentrate for more than a nano-second 🙁.

There has been many a time that I thought I could not go on, that I had no strength left to fight all those demons, all I wanted to do was throw in the towel and find peace. I still have those days, less now thankfully, but the thoughts of my young children help spur me on to keep breathing. They need me and I refuse to be the source of any therapy they may need in their own lives at some stage.

A large part of dealing with trauma and abuse inevitably involves us dissecting our lives. What we have done, what we haven't done, what we should have done, what we wished we could do. I am no different and constantly throughout this past two years, no for most of my life, I have been searching and wondering what I am meant to be doing with my life.

You all know what I mean, right? That something that you just can't quite put your finger on but you know deep down you should be doing something else? If you have found it, I applaud you, keep doing what you love! 💖

I have worked in health, physical activity and leisure development now for twenty years. I worked my way up to executive level and I thought that would make me feel as if I 'had made it', I had found part of my life purpose.

It didn't, I still felt empty career ways. By the time I fell ill I knew I wanted to make a real difference to people's lives by helping them, I was just perhaps doing it in the wrong places from where my true calling is. Health management didn't tick that box, I knew I wanted to do more.

I have therefore spent the last two years also soul searching and trying to figure out my life purpose. I decided that even through this hell of an illness that was plaguing me I would use it as an opportunity to discover the real me, and what I wanted to do with my life.

It's not been easy, on many a day those mind monkeys would be in full swing shouting things like "Sure what's the point? You can't do that! You have no money. You can't afford to retrain. You're stuck with what you've got." Oh man you know how those conversations in your head can go...

Me being me I've kept fighting, determined that something positive has to come out of my life journey so far. I then slowly realised that I could help many people on a similar journey to my own by using not only my story but also my professional qualifications and experience.

This blog is a starting point for me in fulfilling my life purpose. My motivational speaking is also hopefully inspiring others and I have more plans in the pipeline. I want to reach out and support as many people as possible that are living with trauma, PTSD, c-PTSD and other mental health conditions. While there is a lot of support out there for somebody dealing with one or the other there is very little for people whose parenting is being influenced by past traumas. This direction not only feels right, I feel on fire. I know I have found my way!

Yet, I could not have come to this realisation, life and career changing decision unless I had went through what I have. This is why this quote resonates with me so strongly.

So, my challenge to you this weekend is if you don't like your current situation try and change some negative thoughts that you have about it into something thought provoking like, "well OK life sucks right now but what would I like to do with it WHEN I get better?" Don't think of your limitations, think of your capabilities, interests and passions! It will probably not be an overnight realisation either so chill, go with the flow and just open yourself up to possibilities.

Glenda xo

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #mentalhealthadvocate #PTSD #cPTSD #CPTSD #trauma #eatingdisorders #support #frank #open #honest #support #writer #speaker

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